choices and decisions

man oh man the older i get the more i'm realizing how much life is just not about myself. i really am pretty solid in my own being but it's starting to kick in that while it is important, there are things that are far more valuable, like how much you give to others. while i've always had the innate thoughtfulness of giving myself and my energy to others, this feels a little bit different. it feels very "adult" i suppose. i'm not sure what another word for it would be but i am most certainly not prepared for the future. i know i'm still very young, but my lack of decisions has made me more stagnant in certain life paths and i need to re-establish those pathways and develop them into what they were meant to be.

i know there is so much love and i have so much to give, but it really should shift from what i have to give to what i can provide to not only an individual, but a family. even just the thought process is a step in the right direction. maybe this is simple for a lot of people but it's difficult for me.

i need to be able to provide for what i want.