war

i can feel you still.
yelling at me and screaming and feeling so many emotions.
i can feel our angels fighting each other, struggling to let go.
what are you saying to me?
why are you trying to communicate with me?
and why can't it happen easily?
why does it hurt so much?
and will this ever go away?

it feels like a part of my soul has to ignore the other part that says to me all the time,
to let go.
i want to, but it doesn't feel like i will be able to.

menial tasks and every day happpenings will trigger me consistently with the feeling of missed love.
i don't understand why it had to be this way,
but i don't understand many things.

i don't want any of the past to be seen as wasted. i was treated so unfairly. i was stripped away slowly over time and lost myself little by little.
after regaining myself i can see that a part of me thought you were it and permanently attached itself.

i can't even muster up the lack of emotion to spell-cast. and even when i get close i still feel my heart get so cold.
a literal shake of the head.
flaunting my arms.
letting the tears stream.

this is probably all in my head, i know it is but it feels so tangible as if i could touch it.
i see your eyes so often.
they pierce me with sadness.

i cannot yield. i cannot stop.

i have to keep going. even if it hurts more than it did before.