here's a random idea:

Get me out of this mess I created

Within myself I don’t know what part I lost

But I do know that within myself I see reason and want

A wanting to know why so much falls upon myself.

So much blame and so much worthless guilt

All to mean nothing

And popping up so often and so bright

I don’t understand where it is coming from and I don’t know why it is

So persistent

Isn’t it easy to understand and realize that a lot of the things

That we seemingly think are bad

Are because of our own doing?

You would guess that people would understand that for every action

They either take or not take, that it is well within their actions and non-actions

That affect their reality around them

And you know what

Others’ lives too.

How can everything fall upon others unless,

Especially when you are the one at fault here.

I don’t think any matter of perception can alter the fact of what has happened

So why not let it go and just let things be.

I can understand holding onto things so tightly but isn’t easier to just let go?

Why would you want to not only hang onto to something that hurts so much, but also cling onto it so fiercely 

With a grip that’s so demanding and taunting

It hurts to even let the grip up just a little bit

Because of how it will hurt you if you even seemingly loosen up just a little bit.

Tightly wound is the way to be these days I suppose and I don’t want much part of it at all

If this is what tightly wound looks like, I definitely do not want to be involved.

I have no qualms with the world or any one and I don’t want to. I see the possibility of endless demandance and nothing seems to bring an end to the ever-present emergence of words in consecutive order thet seem to hit my head so constantly

And I find myself fighting those things in my head, but you know it’s been like this for so many years honestly. 

I have to usually fight or go against the things in my head but I think over time I have understood that, it is really just a part of myself.

I think it may be a part of every ones’ self unless they don’t have a voice inside of them, which seemingly some people do not. I definitely have the voice in my head, and it most certainly cannot be quelled.

It just goes off, whether I want it to or not. granted, I used to have way more control over how I could let this voice continue without it affecting me as much, but honestly that has been happening less and less over time.

Now I find it very difficult to quell the voice in my head that drives me into a thought that I don’t really feel is my own.

But I suppose it is, and there is again, nothing that can be done about it.

I think this is a forever thing, it has to be right? Unless I go brain dead, then I have no thoughts of feelings and that sounds even worse than not experiencing something to think or feel at all.

No, I want to be able to control the things that’s in my head but for seemingly tough reasons I’ve lost my way.

I suppose it’s time to refine it and on my own, without the addition of any one on my team. I will go this voyage alone and without help from any one at all.

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